The Problem!

Today's children are vocal, discerning, demanding and savvy, and the way they behave has become one of the greatest challenges facing educators, parents and society in general. Modern children understand their rights, readily challenge and oppose authority and often refuse to cooperate. Adults do not have the same coercive and intimidating presence of past generations. Behaviour strategies that once may have 'controlled' children and their behaviour, have limited impact today.

Over time, behaviour has changed, but our approach to it has not. Parents and teachers faced with challenging behaviour still try to manage behaviour with various types of rewards, punishments, time-outs and force. While reacting in this way may feel natural, it is a very ineffective and outdated way to approach today's behaviour. The fact is, today's children see 'rewards' as their right and 'punishments' as a mere inconvenience.

Let me ask you this:

Sadly, we don't have to look far to see how serious the situation is becoming for children, parents and the education system:

What's wrong with the way we typically manage behaviour?

Being responsible for a child is one of the most important tasks we ever undertake-yet we do so with no guidebook, no safety net or warranty, and certainly no life-time guarantee! It should be one of our most fulfilling roles-but it is the one for which we are least prepared or trained.

As a parent or educator, you may have already tried the 'time outs', rewards and punishments, and reading various behaviour books and articles on child rearing... You may have even resorted to yelling, anger, or physical punishment; becoming louder and angrier-all with little or no success. You're not alone!

Let's look at a typical behaviour management scenario:

1. - Child hurts another child.
2. - Adult shows great disapproval and reacts to unacceptable behaviour.
3. - Child sits on the 'time-out' chair, misses out on play or writes out lines.
4. - Later, child is spoken to, made to apologise and returns to play.
5. - Adult believes the problem has been attended to...

But what has actually occurred here for the child?

That's easy to answer. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Writing 'I will not hit John' 50 times is meaningless for most children. Sitting on a chair will not bring about genuine change; and missing out on play for today's child, is merely inconvenient.

These reactions do not result in the child changing his or her behaviour or in acquiring new social skills. Writing out lines or sitting on a mat, a chair, a step or any other inanimate object does not help, nor will ever help, children solve social problems, make better choices, have more effective communication, show greater respect to others, be more kind, caring and cooperative or learn how to resolve conflicts:

Added to this, Behaviour not attended to effectively, can become more entrenched and more challenging!

Simply put, if children are not acquiring the behaviour and social skills they need, there will be no change to behaviour. Added to this, the same adult will become frustrated when the same child hurts another child. The same adult will see this next altercation as a direct challenge to his or her authority and will react again, but next time the reaction may be 'stronger'.

And so the 'cycle' continues, leading to stronger reactions from parents and resulting in more frustrated, disillusioned and oppositional children. And behaviour not attended to effectively can, and does, become worse as children learn from, and are influenced by, other children...

To conclude - 3 big statements

Behaviour today is increasingly challenging. And as in most societies, our approach to managing this challenging behaviour is largely based on correction, control and gaining obedience through positive and negative consequences-all in an attempt to try and control behaviour. It isn't effective. It's not working. Not for us, and certainly not for the children who are looking towards us for help and guidance.

All that I have seen over many years working with children has led me to believe 3 things:

1. Behaviour is complex.

2. Until we get away from this idea that to manage behaviour we have to 'do something' to the child' I believe we will continue to struggle with behaviour.

3. To become socially competent, children need more than time-out chairs and punishments. Today's children need focused and skilled Behaviour Management.

And as parents and educators, it is our job to ensure the children in our care receive this skilled and focused behaviour management and develop the skills they need to succeed...

Where do we go from here?

We would ask you to please go to the next website page titled, 'The Solution!'

To go to the next webpage titled 'The Solution' PLEASE CLICK HERE