The Solution!
As parents and educators we must engage in skilled behaviour management!
Time-out chairs, naughty mats, thinking rooms, canceling TV or play, writing-out lines, picking up papers, made to apologise, physical punishments; counting to three before punishing... Adults really do have numerous ways of reacting to behaviour!
Reacting to behaviour is based on the premise that behaviour is a series of punishable offences, and that children will modify their behaviour when an adult reacts. If only it was that easy! Rather than change their behaviour however, many children simply 'serve their time' and return to their old patterns of behaviour. Added to this, 'behaviour' that is not replaced by new behaviour is practiced over and over, and becomes more entrenched. This cycle continues, yielding no real benefits for the adult or child, and in time, can lead to angry, heated confrontations.
As adults, we often underestimate the complexities of 'behaviour'. Behaviour is a complicated combination of learned responses, emotional development, communication skills and social competencies. Added to this, children's behaviour today is greatly influenced by a host of mass-media stimuli and a 'fast, flashy' world where being anti-authority, rude, defiant or even aggressive and violent is not only seen as acceptable, but admirable. Naughty mats, time-out chairs, and all the other punishments are simplistic and inadequate for today's child.
'Behaviour' is no longer something we can simply force out of children by simply sitting them on different objects, or by yelling at them. In today's social climate, these strategies are ridiculous and ineffective...
To become socially adept and to be in-control, children need more from us than simplistic rewards and punishments. Children must develop the behaviour skills they lack. As parents and educators, it really is time to put the naughty mats and time-out chairs back in the cupboard where they belong, and get to the task of helping children develop the skills the need through skilled, focused and effective behaviour management!
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